April 26

This morning I remembered my "To Do" list. I've looked at my "To Do" list every day of my life for as long as I can remember.It gives me the greatest satisfaction to cross off tasks accomplished - so much so that, on occasion,I've added one 
already completed, simply for the pleasure of crossing it out. This morning, I 
realised that, not only hadn't I looked at it for over a month, but that there would be absolutely no point in my doing so. It's remarkable that, overnight, 
everything that seemed vitally important in life can become completely 
irrelevant. 

I remember when I stopped doing the job I loved and had been engrossed in for over twenty years, I couldn't believe that the work I had always had to do, no 
matter that I had 'flu or was missing a close friend's wedding, or an aunt's 
funeral, simply stopped being. All those birthday parties, dinners, plays, 
hospital visits I had given up because I had to work. Surely it couldn't have 
stopped mattering.I couldn't have stopped mattering? In an instant? Surely they couldn't just carry on without me? Why hadn't I known? Why did I think I had 
to be there? 

And now my "To Do" list no longer matters. Nothing much does, except not 
getting Covid-19. I thought I'd take a look at it and am shocked at how trivial the things on it now seem. (Apart, that is, from "Book Dentist", which I can't do anyway). Similarly, our diaries, which ruled our every waking moment, no longer 
have any use. Did you ever in your life imagine saying to someone "Oh I can 
make it any day, I've got nothing on 'til December”?

We have so much of what was once so hard to come by - spare time.
And what are we to do with it? All those things we promised ourselves we'd do “if only” we had the time?  It’s hard to remember what they were:

Ah yes: 

1.Learn Spanish.
2.Re-organise my filing.
3.Have a big wardrobe clear-out and give a load of clothes to the charity shop.
4.Go the full Marie Kondo on my underwear drawer.
5.Read all the books I'm ashamed of not having read.

That's plenty to be going on with. So why haven't I done even one of them?

1. I hate learning languages.
2. I hate reorganising filing.
3. I can't remember which clothes I can wear and which don't work any more.
4. I don't care whether my underwear brings me joy.
5. No excuse for this one whatsoever.

The awful truth is that I"m enjoying not having to hurtle from one job to 
another and not having the next one buzzing guilt in my head while I'm doing 
the first. For the first time in my life,this Lockdown seems to have legitimised my doing nothing in particular.I expect I'll regret it when I emerge without 
having written a symphony or tried my hand at creating an app - I've always 
wanted to invent a Shazam for birdsong - but, of course there's no money in it 
because users can't buy the track- therefore, no one will ever produce it.
 So, I guess the only thing I'll have achieved when we finally emerge from 
Lockdown, is this Blog  - and a lot of soup.